


Alive and Breathing

by CharlesLovesU



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Character Death Fix, Crack, First Kiss, Fix-It, In a way, Induced coma, M/M, Movie: IT Chapter Two (2019), Nightmares, Post-Canon Fix-It, Richie Tozier POV, but like... assholes in love....galaxy brain moment, mostly crack bc theyre assholes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 06:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21070685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlesLovesU/pseuds/CharlesLovesU
Summary: After managing to rescue him from Neibolt, Eddie is placed in a temporary coma. Richie stays by his bedside at the hospital, waiting for him to wake up.Theres something he needs to tell him.





	Alive and Breathing

**Author's Note:**

> look who's back on my bullshit !! it me !!!!!!
> 
> encouraged by my lovely partner who is also a sad gay, i wrote a shitty fix-it for IT ch2 bc it made me sad and i am gay
> 
> ( i dont directly mention Stan so if you wanna believe he's alive or not, thats up to you )

He knew they were worried about him.

Richie pushed his knees to his chest on the shitty hospital sofa, watching Eddie through tired eyes. 

He was breathing now. That's all that mattered to him.

Back when Richie's heart was beating out of his chest, feet and back on fire, he didn't know. He wanted to believe, but he had no way to know they'd make it here. Just in time.

_"We can still save him !"_

Through the red and cracks streaking his glasses, he'd seen the sadness in the Losers eyes when he screamed, fought, and held on, knowing if they didn't help him carry Eddie out of Neibolt...

_"Honey, he's dead."_

_"No, he's not ! No he fucking isn't !"_

He wouldn't have left him there alone.

Richie placed his hand on Eddie's motionless one. It was warm.

Bev understood... in a way. Enough for words of comfort, enough for a hand when he needed one. She had carried the weight of the deadlights with her for so long.

But the jagged edge of talking to her came when she told him she stopped having those nightmares when they killed the fucking clown. Especially with Ben, totally alright, by her side.

Every time Richie closed his eyes, Eddie died again.

In pain, gutted out, choking on his own blood, suffocated by the dirt cascading over him.

Where they'd abandoned him.

He could never tell if the injuries or the dirt got to him first, he could only hear the muted screams and sobs of someone too weak to make it there alone.

"_R...chie.... he...help mm.....me.."_

He'd lost track of how long he'd sat here.

His only solace through the sleepless nights was knowing Eddie's heart was still beating right next to him.

The doctors had called it a miracle. He'd drowned them out when they talked _statistics_, _injuries_... the like. The last thing he wanted was to think how close he was to carrying a dead... to...

To carrying Eddie out of the hole just to bury him again.

He didn't know the specifics, but his state was _bad_. Every second of however much time it had been so far he'd spent attached to tubes and passed out.

But now he could wake up. Richie didn't know when, but _any day, any moment now_... He'd be back with him.

Breathing on his own. _Alive_.

Mike and Bill had just left. All the Losers would come in turns, when they had the time, but they had lives to get to. He'd crack jokes like he always did, reassuring them he's fine. More than fine !

He was staying here just to make sure his friend had someone to wake up to, that's all.

They never said it, but he could feel it. When they made sure he was caffeinated, when they left him food from home. When they hugged him tight before saying goodbye.

_I know your secret, your dirty little secret._

"You are a pain in my ass, Eds." He said, knowing he couldn't hear him, "I am forty fucking years old, do you think sitting in a chair for days is not fucking up my body?"

No response.

"You are _so_ needy."

He'd broken down when they first left him here. The doctors and nurses took Eddie in a hurry, yelling orders at each other, leaving the Losers behind in a shitty waiting room where they ended up by themselves.

God, he'd been so fucking tired.

The others had cracked jokes about how thankful Eddie would be that they're trusting a hospital instead of themselves this time. About the nitpicks he'd have of it still.

He didn't get all of it. The sounds around him had swirled in a murmur in his mind until the pounding of the sobs escaping from his own chest set him back in place.

He was in pain and he was _tired_ and he just wanted Eddie back.

Before he knew it, he had arms around him in every direction. Holding on for him. Holding on for each other.

_"Thank you." He'd said, forcing his voice through, "I dropped my glasses somewhere while we were rushing in so I have no idea who you people are, but thank you."_

He ran his fingers along Eddie's knuckles.

"No comment ?"

The room stayed quiet. Just his heartbeat and his breathing.

"You know, I had some ex-girlfriends just like you are in bed ! All motionless and unexcited by my presence. They could probably tell that I'm g..." The word choked on his throat, "That I'm... That..."

_That I'm a coward_. He sighed.

"Your mom loved it though!" He reeled back, "Couldn't get _enough _of that Richie Tozier lovin'. You almost joined her up there, she probably would've told you _all_ about how I..."

Beep beep.

He leaned back on the chair, one arm on the armrest and the other behind him.

"Who am I kidding, she's probably in hell." Richie chuckled, "Speaking of your mom, no one's actually told your wife you're here."

He looked down at the pale tan line on Eddie's ring finger. Bare. He'd concluded when he first saw it that he must've lost the ring in the sewers.

Maybe intentionally.

"Guess everyone thought we had enough with one person who loves you being worried sick." He said, "Not that she _really_ loves you. No offense dude, but seriously."

What he said hit him a second later, putting his face in his hands. "I never said that out loud, did I ? _I_... love you. Lame as fuck, isn't it ?"

No response.

"Everything totally fucking clicked when you walked in that first day, spaghetti." Richie said, looking up to Eddie's still unconscious form, "I mean, just _look_ at me, man. I'm a fucking wreck. I couldn't keep relationships for shit."

"It always felt like something was missing, every gu... every... every _person_ I was with always resembled the other, but always missed _something_ that I couldn't understand." He said, "I couldn't even make jokes about it, and that's the only thing I know how to fucking do."

"And then you walk in my life again, looking barely a day over sixty five and I think, oh _shit_." He's leaning his body closer to Eddie now, on the edge of the sofa, "That's the one. That's the fucking one!"

"I had this _overwhelming_ urge to make fun of you, and I get that a lot but _christ_, Eds." He had his hand on Eddie's again, laughter between his words, "No crowd's reaction ever felt as good as you telling me to fuck off."

He gripped tighter, watching Eddie breathe deeply still.

"I knew it since I was like, 12, and I never told you." He sat up straighter, "Ever since we got you out of that hole I keep thinking of how quickly I'd wasted all my chances. How maybe I'd never get one again."

"And now I'm talking to myself like a crazy person. You can't fucking hear me." He leaned back into the below-average sofa, arms crossed and eyes closed, "I'll just go fuck myself til you decide the land of the living is worth your time."

He didn't know how long it'd been since he last slept, because the moment he rested his eyes, he drifted off.

Dreamless for the first time since the deadlights.

Despite his quick slumber, he didn't rest deeply, the uptake of the heart monitor bringing him back to reality, still too tired to open his eyes just yet, but alert.

"You look like shit."

Nevermind. 

Richie's head jumped up, containing his relief, excitement, and grogginess from just waking up to say back: "Says the gutted fish. About time you woke up, asshole." 

"Oh, fuck you, _you_ try getting stabbed."

"Maybe I will !" He hit back, "Then _you'll_ feel all bad for _me_ and watch over _me_ in the hospital !"

Eddie laughed then, a sound that made Richie feel warm and just a little tighter in his chest. 

"It's good to see you, 'Chee."

"Can't say the same, I was looking forward to you keeling over so I could take all your shit and run off with it."

"You could've done that while I was asleep."

"Damn it, why didn't _I_ think of that?"

Richie got up then, carefully taking Eddie into a hug. Eddie held on to him as tight as you'd imagine someone who had their torso ripped open and stitched back together could. "You scared the shit out of me, man."

"Sorry, I'll try not getting stabbed next time." Eddie said.

"Two counts show you aren't that good at that." Richie said as he laughed into his shoulder, arms going a little tighter. Being able to hug him again soothed a deep ache in his chest he didn't realize was weighing him down so much.

"Ow."

"Right. Still hurt. Sorry." Richie said as he hesitantly let go, pulling the sofa closer to the bed as he sat back down. "How are you feeling?"

"Like a de-finned shark someone left on shore to die." Eddie stretched his shoulders back, cringing, "Probably under a few more pain relievers, though."

Richie pondered that for a moment, "Can sharks have heart attacks?"

"I had a _heart attack?!_" Eddie said, placing his hand over his chest with a shocked expression. His torso was bare other than the bandages covering most of it.

"On top of everything else, yeah." He shrugged. He'd rather not think about that day. Him, standing uselessly outside the room, suddenly understanding why Eddie wanted his inhaler in shit like this.

Eddie just stared at him, expecting more.

"You'd have to ask the other Losers for the deets, man. I couldn't..." Richie coughed, killing that sentence before he let himself express real emotions,"I dozed off while they spoke about it. Lots of medical mumbo jumbo."

"Jeez."

A question hung in the air Richie wasn't sure if he should ask or not, but he couldn't help it, "Did you hear anything while you were out ?"

Eddie furrowed his brows at the air, "Not...really? Did you say anything?"

"Just about how I-"

"If you say 'how I fucked your mom' I'm going to hit you."

Richie closed his mouth with a big grin.

"Fucking _knew it_."

"You have no right to judge, Eds. You do realize you nearly let those be your last words, right ?"

"What should I have said instead, then?" He laughed, "Should I take notes for next time?"

"Well, if it-"

"Did you expect something?"

Richie held his breath then. "I... I don't know."

Eddie turned to him, examining him. It made Richie feel completely see-through, but he didn't avert his gaze as Eddie burned through his transparent form.

"I said it because I wanted to see you laugh." Eddie said, looking away, not giving Richie enough time to unpack that sentence before asking, "How long have you been here?"

_Every second_. "Not that long."

_They said there was still a chance you wouldn't make it_. "They only set to let you wake up pretty recently, you've been here a while."

_I couldn't stop worrying about you. I wasn't gonna leave you alone. Not after we almost did_. "Figured you'd want to wake up to a friend."

"You're my friend?" Eddie asked with a smile.

"Nah, I have no idea who you are." He shrugged, "It's just _great_ for my celebrity image to look after sad, dying people in a hospital."

"Thank you, Richie." He said genuinely.

"Its whatever. Not like I had much life to get to." He chuckled, placing his hand over Eddie's again. Eddie linked their fingers together without a word. "It's been on pause since we got to Derry and you're the one with the controller."

"Don't do metaphors, Richie."

"Can I not be a poet as well as a comedian?" 

"You should probably be a comedian first."

"Oo, low blow, Eds, low blow."

"Don't call me that."

"_Bite me_." Richie retorted, earning him a chuckle.

They settled into a comfortable silence, their hands still linked together. Eddie was rubbing his thumb against Richie's so _gently_, it made his heart hurt.

Alive. Breathing. Awake. Here.

There was no reason to break the silence.

It was so good like this.

But.

"Eddie..." No turning back now, "There's something you need to know."

"What?" Eddie said with an underline of panic in his voice.

"It's- It's not about your health or anything. Or mine... I guess?" Eddie loosened up a bit at that, Richie continuing, "Nearly losing you out there..." 

He squeezed his hand harder.

"It made me realize that-" He was interrupted by the sound of the door opening.

God _**fucking**_ damnit.

"Eddie, you're awake! That's wonderful!" A voice Richie had come to recognize too well said, "I just need to check if everything is alright with you, that's all. I'll be out of your hairs quick."

"-Made me realize I need to go fuck myself." Richie said to Eddie before turning to her, keeping his voice level. "He's all yours, Marie."

It wasn't her fault her timing was impeccable.

Eddie squeezed his hand apologetically before letting go, letting the nurse do her shit.

He'd seen this a million times before, but there was something a lot easier on his heart about seeing Eddie smiling, awake, and nitpicking as the nurse made sure he was alright.

He was. Despite everything, he was healing. Steady and alive.

He chuckled when he vaguely heard Eddie say something about 'hypoallergenic pillows'.

"Your friend Richie's here has been looking after you like your guardian angel." Marie said sweetly, Richie's head jumping up at the mention of his name.

"Yeah. Since you stopped the stuff keeping me out. I heard." Eddie smiled at him, Richie avoiding his eyes.

"He's been here _much_ longer than that, dear." She chuckled, putting a hand on Richie's shoulder, completely unaware of the heart in his throat, "Hasn't left your side since you got here."

_I know your secret, your dirty little secret._

"Oh." 

"Everything is looking great, Edward. Just get rest." She said, squeezing Richie's shoulder lightly before heading on her way, "You too, Richard, baby. I'll leave you to it now."

The shut of the door was the loudest noise in the room.

_Damn you_, nice nurse lady.

Eddie cringed as he leaned his body to the side, one hand on Richie's arm and the other pulling Richie's face up, forcing him to look Eddie in the eyes.

"Why'd you say you..."

"It seemed a bit desperate."

"Richie..."

"I don't know, man. Does it matter?" Richie said, "You already have your overbearing wife, who, by the way, doesn't know you're here. For your sake. I wasn't about to spring onto you that I'm another pathetic loser attached to your hip."

Eddie didn't answer, hand still rested on the side of Richie's face.

"Of course I stayed here. You nearly _died_, Eddie." The waver in his voice made him want to disappear, "I couldn't..."

Especially when Eddie was looking at him like that.

"You're all I have and I nearly... I..." He fought back the burning in his eyes but tears came down anyway, taking away the last paper-thin thread holding him together, "Every time I try to sleep I see you dying, c-cold and... _alone_."

"But I didn't, Rich. I didn't."

"I _know_." He wiped angrily at his face, he felt like a child, "_Fuck_."

"What were you gonna say?" Eddie asked gently. 

"What?"

"When the nurse came in, dumbass. _What were you gonna say_?"

He searched Eddie's eyes, hoping it find his own confidence buried somewhere inside them.

He could barely muster it, but the air was too heavy to leave it unsaid.

"I think you know well enough."

Eddie moved his hand off Richie's face then, the sudden lack of warmth sending a chill through his spine.

"_Oh_."

Of course. He fucked it.

He made it all these years and _now_ he fucked it up.

"Yeah."

He closed his eyes, awaiting the disgust and horror and awkwardness he'd just caused to really seep like oil into the moving gears in Eddie's head.

He was gonna throw up and run off and go die in a ditch but right now didn't have the muscles to move.

What he didn't expect was Eddie to grab the lapels of his stupid, unwashed shirt, pulling him closer until their lips met.

It tasted of salty tears and bad breath and repressed 40 year old men, but he didn't care, melting into it as his hands reached up to hold Eddie closer. It was the most colourful he'd felt in 27 years.

Alive. Breathing. Kissing _him_.

Eddie propped himself upwards by pulling himself in by Richie's waist, his other hand behind his neck. Richie, careful not to touch his cheek in case it still hurt, tangled his fingers into Eddie's hair.

Eddie's soft groan when he pulled on it shot through Richie's body, making him remember in an embarrassed panic where they were right now. 

"I know I'm irresistible and all but... we should...we should chill." He said in a laugh as he pulled away.

"Yeah, right, yeah."

Despite pulling away, they stayed close, dumb grins on their faces like teens in love.

They had been that once. 

But never like this.

"By the way, I was actually just gonna say you need a haircut. Don't know what you kissed me for." Richie said, Eddie laughing and pushing him off so he could lay on his comfy pillows again.

"Tough shit coming from you, trashmouth."

"The ladies love it."

"If that helps you sleep at night, sure."

"That's usually your mom's job, Eds, but-"

"You are _so_-" Eddie jokingly punched by his face, but Richie ducked under it.

"-I guess you'll do."

_"I'm in love with Eddie." _Richie would say to the Losers when they came to see them. (Mostly Eddie, but him too.)

_"We know, Richie." _They'd said, almost in unison.

_"What? How?"_

_"Dude..."_

They'll be alright.

Alive and together.

**Author's Note:**

> so that was it !!! i spent a lot more time on this than maybe i should've but ... feels good bro 
> 
> it was fun to write again ! its been a while. 
> 
> also i put specific effort into making it exactly 3000 words once i noticed i could. appreciate my unnecessary efforts. 
> 
> credits to my partner again for the encouragement cuz i prolly wouldn't've written this without that push lol.
> 
> xoxoxo til next time which could be... who knows when. we'll see.
> 
> oh and if you leave a comment ill love u forever thanks


End file.
